Sep. 24th, 2011

quotemyfoot: (Default)
I've been at a point in my life for about, oh, a month or two now where I'm just on the edge of going to do something really wonderful, and don't get me wrong or anything, I am super excite for this change in my life -- but the wait? Is getting old.

I mean, I'm leaving for uni a week tomorrow. Maybe it's because I'm tired right now but I just don't even feel that nervous about it right now. Just... the wait is so boring. I can't really do anything worthwhile here because hey, I'll be leaving soon, what's the point? Except for the reading list of many books that I have yet to work through. However, I'm trying to work through the important ones so I don't look like a total ass at least.

Uuuugh. Why can't I just do anything anymore? I mean I've always been a lazy procrastinator but this is really taking it to a whole new level. Do I just not work well outside of a school setting? I keep wondering if I'm going to get to uni and it'll turn out that I just can't function there because hey, lazy procrastinator who needs outside pressure to do her work and doesn't always do it even then. What if I'm just not cut out for the way they do things at uni? The possibility is frightening because I literally have nothing else to do with my life.

Oxford's been the thing I've been working towards for the past year and I didn't even work that hard for it to be truthful, but now I'm guaranteed a place there and it's just... blah. I don't know. I need a new motivation. Maybe I just need a personality transplant. I don't know what to do when things aren't easy.

What am I going to do with my life? I turned 19 two days ago and I don't know what I want to do with my future. Or rather I know what I'd like to do, I just doubt I have the ability to actually do it. Or not even the ability, I don't have the drive. Although I don't know, maybe I don't have the ability either.

Such a long and pointless ramble. This probably doesn't make any goddamn sense either. Blarggh. It would be nice if I had somebody to talk to about this but they'd just say the same things they always say and I didn't believe them the first million times. Apparently you're not allowed to worry about anything if you're clever. Unfortunately I don't work like that.

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quotemyfoot

October 2011

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